Are you a current or recovering perfectionist? Do you ever mentally beat yourself up for not having the perfect:
• Clutter-free home
• Meal cooked for dinner
• Dress size
• Sexy-ready-to-go-lingerie (and massive amounts of desire to go with it)
• Reaction to your hubby’s request
• Insert yours here: _______________
I am a Life Coach so I am highly self-aware of the myths of perfection. However I am also human so I also fall into the PWS (Perfect Wife Syndrome) from time to time. Especially if my mother in law is visiting.
Now for the record, I have the best mother in law ever. She is super supportive and does not count the number of dust molecules on my dinner table.
She does not need to, because that’s what I do, right before she is about to come over. Which of course, happened last night.
When I had my latest attack of Perfect Wife Syndrome and thought, if this happens to ME and I am constantly finding ways to create a marriage and life that works for me, then what about you, my beautiful readers?
By the way – I cleared the table in record in time and forbid my hubby from opening the door to my dressing room. Draw your own conclusions on that one.
Yes, I have a room we call the dressing room which is really this tiny bedroom in our house that I commandeered to be my personal closet. It is the only space in our home with a massive amount of pink. (in the form of a huge, shaggy carpet on the floor).
As I was saying – I cleared the table, my wonderful mother in law came over. And she had much more important things on her mind than dust. We had a family chat and all was well.
Then this morning I realized, there are multiple places in my life where the illusion of perfection creeps up –
• The aforementioned messy kitchen table. If you have one – I love you!
• The fact that I don’t know how to cook and don’t really want to learn. Such a disappointment. To me. The hubby loves cooking. He could care less as long as I am his dedicated Sous Chef and wear the apron that says “will cook for kisses” which always makes him smile.
• The idea that I can never, ever miss a week of writing my blog or “The World, As We Know It, Will End.” Seems so silly to write that – I mean your heart and my heart will go on. Celine Dion says so, so of course it’s true. But I feel like I have failed in my duties if I am not religious about posting. And I have to talk myself out of it and say – this is REAL LIFE. Things happen. And hum some Celine to calm myself down.
• The fact that sometimes, I would much rather cuddle and talk and watch our favorite TV show and laugh together than have super-sonic sex. I mean we can all agree that super-sonic sex is awesome right? So I have to actually give myself permission to say, yes, it’s awesome, but what I would really like right now is just a deep conversation with lots of hand holding.
I have decided to label myself a “recovering perfectionist.” Because in my mind, there are countless other things my illusion of a Perfect Wife and Blogger would do.
• Never ever be late to anything for any reason.
• Never gain an extra pound (or 5)
• Always give the perfect gift (never an accidentally lame one).
Have shoes that were both comfortable and look like they are not. (I mean, a perfect wife would be able to and they look it.
• Be ready for anything at all times of the day and night – staff meeting? Yes! my notes are here! Adventure trip to Costa Rica? Yes! my bag is ready!
• Create 72 hour days to do every single thing everyone wishes I could do but really can’t.
You know, stuff like that.
So this morning I woke up and reminded myself of the following:
Perfect is an illusion.
Joy, pleasure, happiness, and satisfaction are only possible for me when I say goodbye to perfect and hello to me.
I can do things with heart.
I can do things I love.
I can love my husband as best as I can. And that is okay.
My table can be messy.
Holding hands can be awesome.
The blog can be late.
The world will still turn.
Hearts will go on.
Celine will still sing.
Whenever I am tempted to dream bigger, I can remember that I have the choice to dream deeper instead and choose what makes my heart sing instead of what makes my body clench with fear or anxiety or both.
It also means I can dream deeper on how I want to define my life as a wife and create something that truly works for me and my hubby – even if it doesn’t look anything like what you see on TV or what the lie of “Perfect Wife Syndrome” would have me believe.
Nothing I own or do or don’t do can take away from who I am inside, which is a person with a heart full of love to give.
And that’s what really matters.
The love we put into the world.
The time we take to dream, to create, to imagine and to forgive.
Not the number of dust molecules on my kitchen table.
This week’s LOVE WORK?
Complete this sentence in the comments –
I feel like I have Perfect Wife Syndrome whenever:_______________.
And this is what I am going to do about it: ___________________________.
(Forgive myself, let it go, talk to the hubby about it, do THIS instead, etc.)
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