This week we are deep diving straight into Part 2 of our Dream Deeper series. This series was born out of ideas that have helped me become a better wife, have a happier marriage and fall back in love with my life over the last few years.
In Part 1 I talked about dreaming deeper (instead of bigger), following what feels good and true for you, and managing doubt by adopting the principle that Oprah taught me which is “doubt means no.” The stronger the doubt, the clearer the no.
And no, I don’t know Oprah personally (yet!) but she did teach me a lot over the years and one of my rules is, “If it works for Oprah, I will try it!”
If you missed Part 1, you can find it here.
As I share the sparkling thoughts to light your way today, please remember, pick them up, play with them, if they work, use them, if they don’t move on. I have found comfort and inspiration in these ideas; you may find other ideas really get you going. All roads lead to Rome.
Here we go!
1. Give what you can. Be who you are.
You cannot give what you do not have. Yet we try to do things that will please others even if we go into material or spiritual debt in order to meet someone else’s expectations (or our own misguided ones).
I have been the girl at the Birthday party who paid for the lavish present on a credit card because “that’s what you do.” It took a really severe financial crisis in my life for me to evaluate everything I thought and did about money.
I have more money now than I did back then, but my gifts are much simpler, though equally as heartfelt.
I have learned to give what I can. I have learned that anything else is a lie. I was lying to myself and lying to my friends and loved ones. To this day I am not sure why or whose expectation I was trying to live up to. All I can say is I feel so much more peace living in the truth of what I can afford and all my friends still love me.
That’s one element of “giving what you can.”
Another side of that prism is in my relationship with The Hubs. I can only give him what I have inside. There is nothing to give if I don’t “fill the well” of self care.
Over the years I have found that for me to be a fully engaged loving wife, I also need to be a fully engaged, loving person.
I need to read books, write in my journal, have time to putter around the house, put up curtains, make things pretty or talk with my BFF about the last episode of Celebrity Apprentice and what happened this week at work.
I need time for me so that the time I spend with The Hubs is rich and full of life and love. It is like nutrient-dense soil. Everything grows faster and richer because of the quality of the soil it is planted in.
This goes hand in hand with “be who you are” of course.
I have given up trying to be the picture perfect version of myself that I imagined I should become.
Now, I am just me. Sometimes I have bad hair days and sometimes all I want to do is snuggle at home and watch a marathon of Stargate. If that’s unhip, I don’t really care.
How to do it: The only way that I know of to “give what you can” is to start with an Internal Audit of sorts. You have to know what you have “in stock” emotionally, materially and spiritually before you can give any of it away.
For money, I would start with my bank and savings account. For life, I would start with my schedule – where am I spending my time? Is it where I *want* to be spending it? Have I overcommitted somewhere and under committed to myself?
We typically go deep into this exploration in my Setting Soul Goals program, but since I am not offering it just now, I would say, start with a blank sheet of paper and label the top in 3 columns: Time/Money/Me and just free write whatever comes to you in those areas. This will bring you clarity to start moving in the direction of giving only what you have and want to give.
2. What are you waiting for?
Have you been waiting for something that hasn’t arrived? The big break? The magical breakthrough? The winning lottery ticket? More confidence, less body fat, another degree?
I used to think, “When I reach THIS GOAL, my life will be PERFECT.” Then I started reaching so many goals I set for myself and found that nothing was perfect. Some things were even messier than ever – emotionally and physically.
The only thing I can tell you about waiting is that unless it’s for a ride at Disney or a Taxi in New York, you are better off taking action, any action, than standing still.
If you take an action and it’s really not the best one, you will know. You will have more experience and information to take a better action next time.
If you had kept waiting during that same period of time, you would have no new information, no new experiences, only the anxiety of the wait. I don’t know about you but that seems pretty pointless to me.
So my answer to “What are you waiting for?” in almost any circumstance is, “Start now.”
Start where you are, with what you have, and taking turtle steps if necessary. I prefer tiny starts to long waits any day.
How to do it: If there is something you have been longing to do and you are waiting for some outside circumstance to make it okay, first question the longing.
Do you really want to do this thing, or is it something comfortable so you don’t have to make a choice? I have been there too. I was totally bummed when I figured that one out and suddenly had to choose something else instead.
Starting now does not mean going crazy. It means starting. Begin. Take a step and then one more. The tinier the better. Put it on the schedule for this week. Stop waiting. Start now.
Now that we dream deep instead of big, you can see that richness in just two simple ideas – Give what you can. Stop waiting – we are not thinking “big” on how to practice these, we are thinking “deep.” What does my soul want? What does my heart say?
Remember, inspiration without action is like a parked car, you have all the tools to move available, but they are not in use until you turn the ignition, the spark plugs spark and get going. What is one action you can take this week that will get you deeper into the life you love? Please share in the comments.