Dear ModernMarried Readers, You all know I LOVE tips on how to have a happy marriage! Well this week you are in a for a big treat! The delightful Carmen Smith is joining us for a chat-fest. How to keep your marriage hot and happy? Check! What to do when you are changing plans? Check! Best Advice she loves to give? Triple Check! She brings my favorite kind of marriage advice – both useful and fun! So excited to welcome her to our little cyber family!
Here we go….
MM: Please tell us about yourself in 5 sentences or less.
Carmen: Hi Ya’ll, my name is Carmen Smith! I am first and foremost a wife and mother of 2 children. I live on the prairies of Saskatchewan, Canada where I work from my office as a Marriage Expert, whip up deliciousness in my kitchen as a short order cook to my family, play limo driver to my kids and love having my feet rubbed by my husband!
MM: What is your favorite thing about being married?
Carmen: My absolute favorite thing about being married is experiencing life, love, sadness , joy, the wonders of this world, desires, passions, tragedy and dreams come true with another, but not just another…with the one who knows you better than you know yourself and who can give you everything you need through one look or kiss or even an embrace. There is just nothing better than feeling completely content in life regardless of what life throws at you because your marriage is rock solid…that is my favorite thing….deep security and enjoyment in another.
MM: How do you stay connected to each other?
Carmen: Foreplay! No matter how many kids we may have, how stressed out we are in the day, how much work needs to get done… foreplay always does the trick! Even just a little makes you feel wanted, needed, adored and worth it! Sometimes the foreplay doesn’t even lead to the bedroom and sometimes we can’t wait until the end of the day, but it doesn’t matter because when I know my husband is thinking about me and he knows I need him….we are connected – even through our kids crying and trying to crawl into bed with us!!
MM: Your website is called Hot and Happy Marriage. What is your definition of a Hot and Happy Marriage?
Carmen: My definition of a Hot and Happy Marriage is a marriage where you feel needed, wanted, supported, heard, fulfilled and are top priority to your spouse no matter what is going on in your life! A Hot and Happy Marriage is one where you can have your cake and eat it too!
MM: What is the best piece of advice you ever got? How did you use it?
Carmen: The best piece of advice I have ever gotten was from my Baba (grandmother). Her and my Gido (grandfather) had a fairy tale marriage in that they embodied my definition of a Hot and Happy Marriage no matter what life threw at them.
I remember asking her how they stayed so in love with each other and she told me this: “Carmen, it is simple, but it is so important to never, ever go to bed angry with each other!” And you know it is something we have all heard before, but as my Gido used to tell my Baba; “We have to make up eventually, so we might as well work it out now because you never know what tomorrow might bring.”
Now, what I have learned is that the secret is not in the “not going to bed not angry”, but in the working it out. If you are married, you have already committed to working it out, so DO IT! Don’t hold on to it, don’t dwell on it as that so often makes it much worse (and it is so bad for your health)…simply care enough to work it out! My husband and I follow that rule no matter what.
MM: What’s the best advice you like to give? How do you apply it (for yourself)?
Carmen: One of the best pieces of advice that I give is this: Set a Standard for Your Marriage. We only live up to what we think is important, so set an agreed upon standard for your marriage with your spouse that you want to uphold no matter what and are always working toward the maintenance of.
This way you won’t look at each other one day and say “how did we get so far off track!” The standard that we have set for our marriage and I welcome you to use it is this: “If I am not the one thing that you can’t stand to live without and you are not the one thing that I can’t stand to live without…then what are we doing?”
MM: We talk a lot on this blog about re-defining marriage – can you share something you and your hubby do that makes sense for you (but may not make sense to someone else)
Carmen: My husband and I do something called “Check in Calls”. A Check in Call is simply a phone call that we honor the other person with when we are about to make a large decision or are changing plans. Let me give you an example: If my husband was gone for the weekend to a football game or on a hunting trip and was supposed to be home at 2:00 in the afternoon on a Sunday and was now not going to be home until midnight, he would throw me a Check in Call to let me know that he would be longer and not to worry as he knows that that is something that would in fact make me worried sick.
If I were going to make a purchase over $400.00 (as that is our check in limit), I would shoot him a phone call and out of respect get his opinion and let him know what I was doing. Check in Calls are purely out of respect for one and another and they immediately eliminated the petty arguments that used to happen between us because the other person felt insignificant in the decisions of our life together. Check in Calls are often looked at as “asking for permission calls” and may not work for all couples, but I encourage everyone to give Check in Calls a try and see how validated and respected you feel!
<Maggie here to say, it’s not about asking for permission, it’s what Carmen said at the beginning – honor the other person, consider how your decision or action might affect them. It’s part of the Love, Honor and Cherish equation that helps marriages stay strong. Sorry, couldn’t resist commenting on that one! Check In People! As much and as often as possible.>
MM: You are hosting a Tele Summit that I am so excited to be a part of. Can you tell us what to expect? How does it work? Is it really free?
Carmen: Oh yes, The Make Your Marriage Hot & Happy Telesummit is going to be absolutely dynamic! We have over 24 Experts from across the globe and in different fields of work spreading The Good News that marriage can in fact be the very best part of your life and can get better and happier and hotter the longer you are married!
I mean imagine being more in love after 25 years of marriage than you were on your wedding day! And you know I think we all intend for that when we say “I Do!”, but we are not handed the skills for that to naturally happen when we are given our marriage license.
In this summit we are addressing “real life issues” that we face in our marriages so that not only can all the listeners have an immediate take away, but also so that they can embrace that they can become the hottest and happiest couple with a rock solid marriage no matter what is going on in their life.
And Maggie we are so thrilled to have you as one of the Experts……it is all so exciting! <I am thrilled back! We are going to bust some marriage myths and I just love doing that. The truth really does set us free and all. – Maggie>
Oh, and YES YES YES ….it is FREE. There is no selling at all! All the listeners will have FREE access to ALL the interviews as well as a FREE GIFT from each expert!
MM: Can you tell us a bit about some of the experts who will be speaking? And the types of topics you will cover?
Carmen: Like I said; we will be covering “Real Life Issues” that affect our marriages as I want all the listeners to have the opportunity to relate and take away an immediate result…So everything from:
Loss of Sex Drive for Men and Women with Tantra Expert Robyn Vogel,
Debunking the Myths from my Dear Maggie Reyes, <Just call me Myth-Buster! Woohoo!>
The Real Differences between Men and Women from Dr. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
Hormone Imbalance and How to Lose that Weight from Dr. Jen Landa from The Dr. Oz Show and Nina Manolson from Smokin’ Hot Mom,
Staying in Love through Financial Woes with Rhonda Swan,
Keeping Connected and Infidelity Proofing your Marriage with Charles Orlando,
How to Magnetize his Heart with Susie & Otto Collins,
Getting Rid of the Baggage that we Bring into our Marriages with Mira Kelley (She works with Dr. Wayne Dyer),
Interfering Family Members & Blending Families with Scot & Emily McKay,
Bringing Back the Desire with Ande Lyons, <looking forward to that one FOR SURE!>
Finding your Personal Happiness Again and Getting Unstuck with Kim Jaklic and so, so much more!
MM: Can you give us a sneak peak of 2 or 3 of your favorite ahas from all the interviews you have done?
Carmen Smith: My favorite Ah- ha’s, well let’s see. If I had to pick 2 the first would be when Sheila Wray –Gregoire stated that: “Billions of people have sex, but very few people make love on a regular basis.” I think that statement is so powerful as it speaks directly to what this summit is all about – teaching people how to make love in their life and their marriages. We all deserve that.
And the second Ah-ha for me was the “how to change our bad habits” that plague us personally and our marriages on a daily basis, but I am
not giving you the how to here as you must hear it for yourself!
MM: Anything else you would like to add?
Carmen: I think the only thing that I would add is this: A Bad Marriage is a Waste of a Good Life and we all deserve to have the Magical Marriage we dreamed about when were little playing wedding with our friends….it is right in front of you so no matter where you are, grab a hold of the opportunities to learn how to have the marriage and life of your dreams! Live Hot and Happy!
Carmen Smith is the Creator of The Hot and Happy Marriage Company where she serves as a Modern Day Marriage Expert rooted in tradition. Carmen has been referred to as the #1 Voice in creating Rock Solid, Crazy Happy Marriages that Last, as her dynamic personality and fresh & out of the box approach guarantee immediate results.
Carmen is a Best Selling Author, Creator & Host of The Make Your Marriage Hot & Happy Global Summit, sought after Speaker and known for her “All Transforming Marriage Retreats”, but most importantly she is a wife of 8+ years and a mother to 2 beautiful children.
I just love Carmen Smith! Her passion springs off the page doesn’t it? I am so grateful to Carmen for such a great and insightful interview and so excited to participate in this powerful [and passionate!] Free Tele-Summit. To grab your seat, click here: Take me to Hot & Happy. In case you are wondering, my session on busting marriage myths and writing your own love story airs on Sunday, September 29th at 9:30 pm EST/6:30pm PST. When you register, you get access to all 21 experts, plus lots of special bonuses from each of us.
Today’s LoveWork is easy. Think about what living “hot and happy” means to you and do one thing to be hotter and happier.
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