It seems that so many people in this world are looking for a magic pill. Seriously I don’t understand why. For me it would be like only watching the end of the movie.
The kids win the talent show.
The hero runs across New York City to confess his love.
The heroine runs across New York City (in heels) to tell the hero he waited too long, was kind of dweeby in the middle, but she loves him anyway.
Seriously how many movies have you seen where people are running across some big city to declare their undying devotion?
Anyway, I digress.
Watching the end of the movie is NO FUN if you don’t see all the steps that got you to the big sprint at midnight.
The couple who couldn’t stand each other and now can’t stand to be apart.
The kids overcoming the mean bully with the nerdy school teacher with a heart of gold who always believed.
Those are the best parts.
We would never click through channels and just watch the endings of movies.
(If you do that, call me. I want to know how your brain works.)
Yet, in life, we want magic pills and easy fixes instead of actually enjoying, savoring and looking forward to the mega-blockbuster that is Real Life.
I am talking about movies and stories today because I read an amazing statistic in a magazine this week. A marriage counselor was saying that ninety percent of the couples she sees that are having serious problems have stopped asking the magic question:
“How was your day?”
Sharon Rivkin in Redbook magazine declared that “Those words are actually as important as saying ‘I love you’ because they help maintain the compassion a marriage needs to survive.” (P. 105 October 2012 issue)
So I am boldly declaring it,
The One Question that Can Save Your Marriage
Just for fun.
At my house we call it, “The Daily Check-In.” We actually don’t even have to ask how was your day because it’s just our natural thing to do every single day. It’s automatic. If we were a company it would be part of our corporate culture. Like Apple being creative or Google being smart.
It’s also like being part of a real life movie every day.
The hubs learns about all the characters in my life.
I learn about all the adventures in his.
But there is more to it than that.
When I come home super stressed because something didn’t work out at the last minute, and I am quiet and my mind is wandering, he doesn’t think it’s about him. He doesn’t get anxious or worried or hurt because he knows.
He knew what happened last month that led to what happened last week that brought me to the really juicy yet annoying story that happened today.
(For the record, being a Life Coach doesn’t mean you never get annoyed. It does mean the feeling of annoyance is much shorter, usually teaches you something and what would have bothered you for a week before, upsets you for 10 minutes and then you move on. But you still get annoyed. You are a Coach not a Buddha.)
The same happens in reverse. My dear lovely hubsicle works in a field that is audited every time the wind changes direction. Sometimes during the preparation for an audit he works crazy hours, sleeps less, and is more quiet and reserved. Usually it’s his mind working over time on his thousand-item To Do list.
I know this, because I know the stories about the auditors – which ones are nice but firm, which ones are married and having babies, which ones he looks forward to seeing every year and that one that always picks apart the most inane thing just because.
These Daily Check Ins are the stories of our lives. Sharing them, for us, is sharing life. The emotions, the characters, our experience of it, what we learn and what we want to let go of.
We have a pretty basic format and usually include lots of detail. But some days, I have been known to say, “ I worked. Let’s watch Modern Family.” Other days it’s an hour long conversation with hand gestures and re-enactments.
My husband is my favorite person. I tell him this all the time. I tell him in a world where there is my best friend and Oprah and the entire cast of Oceans’ 11, *you* are my favorite person.
I want to know *everything* that happens to him, because I care, because I find his experiences in life fascinating and because I feel closer to him when we share.
Whatever format you choose, just in case it might truly be The One Question that Can Save Your Marriage.
Do you have a “Daily Check In” ritual? Why? Why not?
Are you starting one today? How did it go?
Tell us, “how was YOUR day?” Share in the comments.