This week is our 7th wedding anniversary and I feel more admiration and love for my husband today than the day I married him. I love that, of course, but it also made me wonder “how did that happen?” and “what have I learned?”
How is it so many people drift apart while others, like us, only grow in love the longer we are together?
I feel like I have learned a lot over the last 7 years (enough to write regularly on what makes marriage work!) so today I am just choosing some highlights. I hope you find them useful.
Kissing matters. The Gottman Institute recommends a 6 second kiss every day. Let it linger. It increases the positive feelings and physical connection between you and it just feels good.
Kissing may not be the only secret to a happy marriage, but it’s definitely one of them.
Reading an article about the power of kissing, one night I programmed into the Hubby’s phone “Kiss Your Wife” as an alarm at 9pm every night.
This has made us laugh (and kiss!) since the day I did it.
Asking for what you want helps you get it. When we first got married and were going to sleep at night, one night as a bit of a joke, I asked my hubby to tell me a bedtime story. Just something short, that he made up on the fly.
I loved it! As a child I never had story time like you see in movies but I always thought it was so sweet.
As an adult, I have found immense value and relief in do-overs. I have found that I can do things differently and just by that act, I can heal pain that I have carried for years by making a different choice.
I have also found, that I love bedtime stories! So I ask for them. And they warm my heart every time.
What are you craving that you could ask for? Ponder that. And ask. It might lead to the thing you want or a deeper conversation about why you want it. Regardless, asking is the key to clarity and to getting closer to what you crave.
One of my mantras is “follow the feel good” but a close sister to that one is “notice the blessings.”
Almost every day, I take a moment to look around my life – my schedule, my friends, my Facebook updates, my husband’s wisdom and humor and I notice and celebrate the blessings.
On Facebook it’s easy because you just click like. Some days I wish there was a like button for life.
Think of it this way – everything you LIKE you can get more of. The more you notice it, appreciate it, savor it and celebrate it.
I think one of the reasons our marriage is strong is that we don’t take a single moment of happiness for granted.
We know how lucky and blessed we are and continually create feelings of gratitude and joy by expressing how much we love and appreciate , each other, our experiences, and the lives we are creating every day.
There is nowhere else we would rather be than with each other.
Some days I fantasize that if we really do have many lifetimes, in my next one, I want to meet my hubby as kids, grow up together, and you know, really maximize every minute on earth.
Yes, I have odd fantasies. So true.
But in this life time, I am often very grateful that we met in our 30’s. We had the chance to experience a lot of things and we know that the grass is not greener.
The only thing that makes grass green is watering it.
That’s what we try to do every day.
Water the grass. Ask the questions. Listen. Hug. Laugh.
Just a little every day.
This week’s LoveWork? Celebrate with us! Find one thing to celebrate and say thank you. That’s all.
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