How we argue in our marriages can either bring us closer together or tear us apart.
This week I am sharing a video message with you on how we can apply police training principles to our relationships to create emotional safety in our marriages which deepens our experience of love and connection.
Here is the deal, when police ask – “How do I eliminate the threat? vs. How do I create safety?” they get a totally different answer.
And when we are in an argument with our partners (which is an act of emotional violence just like police are responding to acts of physical violence), our results can completely shift if we change the question from –
“How do I win this argument?” to “How can I connect with you love of my life?”
When you ask, “How do I create connection?” you are building the foundation for emotional safety in your relationship.
Watch it now:
Here are the links I mention in the video….
In this video I mention my dear friend and coaching colleague Karen C.L. Anderson who specializes in helping women finding peace and freedom in their relationships with their mothers.
Karen’s work is thoughtful and emotionally liberating. If you know anyone struggling in their relationship with their mother, this is the place to go:
This is the link to the police training video where they show new training implemented to de-escalate violent situations. The Salt Lake City Police Department retrained all their police officers in these de-escalating techniques and according to the video they haven’t had any fatal shootings since 2015.
My favorite marriage researchers at The Gottman Institute are also mentioned in this video where I explain the concept of “flooding” which I learned from them.
Understanding that there are physiological things happening in your body when you are upset with your spouse is so powerful. Because once you know what is happening you can do something different about it and take much more useful and much more empowering action.
Here is an article where they explain in more depth the concept of flooding and share some best practices on how to self-soothe (aka calm down) when it’s happening so you can create more emotional safety instead of disconnection in your marriage.
What question will you ask this week? I invite you to make your question, “How can we connect right now?” with everyone that crosses your path.
We multiply the love in the world every time we show someone what love looks like. If you found this post useful, please share it. Thank you!