Oh Dear Readers! Tools make me happy. I have a crush on my butter knife and can’t leave the house without my Android. This week we are sharing a tool so fabulous, it has its own name! “The FIT Technique.” It’s clear, easy to follow and will help you survive those days when you want to pull every hair out and throw a dish somewhere.
I am sooooo delighted to present you with the lovely Julie Marah who hails from the UK…our first International Guest! She is known as “The Wife Coach” and is my favorite combination of Sassy and Wise.
3 Simple Steps to Minimizing Relationship Problems in Your Marriage
By Julie Marah
In this blog post, I’m going to show you how to go from Pissed Off to Peaceful in three simple steps. I’m going to walk you through exactly how you can change your thoughts and your emotional state any time you choose using a special technique called “FIT”. First let me explain why this is a game-changer.
Your life is a reflection of the thoughts you think. Changing your thoughts changes your inner state, your behaviour and your end results.
What is the end result or outcome you most want? Take a few moments to think about this now.
Perhaps it’s: a happy marriage, harmony at home, a happy peaceful home to bring your kids up in. Or some variation that’s unique to you.
While every marriage is different what we all have in common is this:
It all starts with our thoughts.
You think your husband is the cause of your anger. Your pain. Your hurt.
It’s your THOUGHTS about him.
They are the cause of your emotional pain.
Not him. Or his behaviour.
Hard to believe (and hard to swallow), I know. Especially when you’re really pissed off at him.
I get it – I’ve been there!
But actually, this is the best news. Let me explain why.
The reason this is great news is because while you can’t control his behaviour, you can control your own thoughts.
And your thoughts are what create your reality.
This is where the FIT technique can help you shift your thoughts – whenever you need a boost in a different direction.
The FIT Technique consists of the following three simple steps:
Step 1 – FEEL (F): Identify the feeling beneath Pissed Off and FEEL it
Step 2 – IDENTIFY (I): IDENTIFY and examine the core thought causing the feeling and choose to let it go
Step 3 – THINK (T): Consciously choose a new peaceful feeling THOUGHT
You can download the detailed instructions on how to apply and use the FIT Technique here.
I suggest you print off the PDF and read it over a coffee when you have time to fully absorb the process and let it sink in.
Important Note: This is NOT about condoning your husband’s behaviour or absolving him of his responsibility. (If you would like to learn about how to set appropriate boundaries in your marriage you can read more here.)
It IS about taking care of your own emotional wellbeing and consciously choosing how you want to feel in any situation. Do not confuse the two!
Benefits of the FIT Technique
Mastering this technique means you always get to choose how you want to feel about any person or situation in your life.
Instead of being at the mercy of your husband’s or anyone else’s behaviour, YOU are in control.
Consciously choosing your thoughts allows you to be in control of your mind and your emotional state – instead of the other way round!
It’s your mind’s job to find evidence for whatever you choose to believe. Your mind will always look to prove your thoughts true. So you may as well choose to think thoughts that feel good!
When applying the FIT Technique, you will notice that the circumstance that caused your original pain (your husband’s behaviour) has stayed the same. But changing your thought enables you to have a completely different experience. One that is much more likely to lead to a peaceful and positive outcome.
Julie Marah is a Certified Life Coach and a “Wife Coach”. She works with busy professional women who feel stuck and frustrated in their marriages but don’t want to leave. She helps her clients to reclaim responsibility for their own happiness and regain their sense of identity and purpose so that they have the tools, self-awareness and confidence to create the lives and marriages they want. Julie’s free eGuide Five Secrets to Staying Married Without Losing Your Sanity! is available for immediate download from her website: www.juliemarah.com/five-secrets/
Thank you Julie! I feel “fitter” already!
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